Friday, 11 September 2009

Done and Dusted

So countdown is over, chemotherapy is done and dusted, hopefully for ever but at least for now. All went smoothly today. Saw the was decided to leave out Bleomycin today because I have a cold, a slight tightness in my chest and a little shortness of breath. Bleomycin can cause problems it your lungs and it is suggested that it could react with a virus in the chest. Although this is very rare, it is better to air on the side of caution and it is the least important drug out of the four in ABVD, so seeing it was my last one and I have had it 15 times my Dr decided to give me a break today! Also some very good news - I can have a take out curry in two weeks, delicious - can't wait hope it is as good as I remember! Then I guess that means I can do things like go back to the cinema, swimming, being in crowed places - football matches and or course there is all the other take aways to catch up on...and the gym too!

So know time for the reflective part. I was thinking about what to write the other night when I couldn't sleep and knew I should have written it down then and there because now I can't think!

Well I think I have passed that bit of the test - chemotherapy that is and getting into remission. There is a lot more still to come and I am sure with that some ups and downs, but lets just hope I can go up and plateau up there for a bit!

It has been a rollar coaster of emotions, feelings and just generally. 'Good' days well as good as they can be, family days, friend days, inspirational days, days I have laughed, cried, frustrated days, anxious days full of what ifs, wanting to run away days and sleepless nights although not many I am a good sleeper and have some wicked little pills if I can't!

I can't say it has been easy but it hasn't been what I would call hard. There have been difficult times, things I have had to deal with I have never thought about before but overall you just have to do it. I think that we are quite resilient as a race, we kinda of deal with whatever is thrown at us and muddle through as best we can. I couldn't let it pass that today is the 8th anniversary of September 11th...there is always someone worst off than you.

Some friends come, some friends go, some deal with it better than others and friendships grow, people you don't expect surprise you and it is a lovely feeling to know they care. Some run away, don't know what to say, hide, I understand that too, wish I could of, but a message simply saying I don't know what to say is better then none at all. Thank you to everyone who has been there, through it all, you have all amazing, made it easier and you all know who you all are - sending some of that love back at ya.

Now got to get my life back on track...but a little bit of celebration time first hey! x


  1. Hi Hayley,

    Just found your blog a few days ago after browsing on the lymphoma society forums. I was waiting to see what you would say today after the last treatment.

    I just finished my treatment last week. I can see what you mean about not knowing what to say. This has been a big part of your life for so long, but what happens now?

    I can see the theme for your blog was trying to prove to everybody that you can carry on with normal things as much as possible. It was the same for me.

    Love the pictures. Get celebrating and enjoy your holiday!

    You'll be back on track in no time.


  2. I totally agree with John. Will and I have been trying to keep life "normal" wherever possible and you positive attitude and determination are going to help you move forward. I hope we can do the same when his treatment is over (last chemo' is a week on Monday!).

    It was really good to read this positive entry and it was really touching to see how you reflected on how things could be worse. The fact that you can still think like that after all you've been through is admirable. :)

    Hope you enjoy that curry - what are you going to have?! - and that you have a great time celebrating. Sending you lots of love and smiles. :) xx

  3. I can't think of the right words to say to mark the end of your chemo! Congratulations doesn't seem right and well done doesn't seem enough! It seems strange that it's now I'm saying, I don't know what to say to you!! Because no words can explain how absolutely over the moon I am for you and for this to be over!!

    I can only begin to imagine how you and your family must be feeling right now, relieved I would guess! But I'm also pretty sure that your parents and sister are not only relieved but proud of their little girl and big sis! And so they should be!!

    I hope each and every one of your friends take just a minute to realise how brave you have been throughout all this and how god damn lucky they are to be able to call you a friend!

    Finally I hope that people reading this blog who don't know you but are fighting Lymphoma, or about to start fighting it, will walk away from this positive and more determined to fight, because you have proved that you can beat it!! And girl that you did, YOU BEAT IT!!!!!!

    Enjoy that first curry, I'm sure it will be just as good as you remember, if not better!! And have an amazing holiday, chilling by the pool and sipping cocktails.

    YOU DID IT!!!!!

    Love always

    And remember "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind"

  4. You go for that curry lass -you more than deserve it.

    In fact, treat yourself to a naan bread and vegetable side order as well!



  5. Wow - I have just found your blog after reading some comments on the Lymphoma message boards. Have only read a couple of posts so far but plan to spend some time reading some older posts.

    This time last year I was having ABVD for HL and am sitting at my desk just now thinking back to what that first post chemo take out tasted like and what the relief of the last treatment felt like.

    Well done to you - you've done it - and from what I have read so far have been so positive that your friends and family must be very very proud.

    Enjoy that holiday - that was a real turning point for me actually, the post holiday chemo -I came back with a bit of colour to my skin again, new hair on my head and even eyebrows and eye lashes - it was amazing and you really really deserve it.

    Cannot say that this is the end of the rollercoaster but I shall definitlely be checking in on you again now that I've found you and see if I can help at all as you take those first post chemo steps!

    GOOD LUCK for the next few weeks and months and Yey to the end of chemo!


  6. Thank you for all your lovely comments. x