Hayley on Hodgkin's

Mum and Dad are officially mad!!!

2010-08-26T08:03:00.006+01:00

Yes Mum and Dad are officially mad! They are doing a triathlon consisting of a 1K swim, 40K bike ride and to top it off a 10K run, all to raise a substantial amount for the Lymphoma Association. I used the Lymphoma Association a lot last year and it is slowly becoming the Benhams mission to raise as much money as we can for the association, as they rely solely on voluntary contributions.

The Lymphoma Association are a great source of information, support and comfort for those affected by lymphoma and their friends, families and carers. Lymphoma Association is the only specialist UK charity that provides accurate medical information and support to lymphatic cancer patients, their families, friends and carers.Lymphoma Association is the only specialist UK charity that provides accurate medical information and support to lymphatic cancer patients, their families, friends and carers.

If you would like to sponsor them please click here. Thank You for your continuing support.

Mum and Dad are doing their own triathlon so there aren't going to be supporters lining the road. SO if you are free on the morning of Sunday 12th September, I am sure mum and dad would appreciate a few cheers on route and some friendly faces at the finish, which will be at home. Email me on hayleyb563@hotmail.com and I will give you more details.

Mum and Dad - think you are defiantly going above and beyond the call of duty here! But what you are doing is incredible and you are definitely an inspiration. Your love and support, as always, but in particular last year was fantastic. Best of luck on the day, I'll be there. Love Hayley Xxx

The Tea Party is Back!

2010-08-26T07:46:00.008+01:00

Following the success of last year when we raised over £1200 we are inviting you all again to come and join us for a cuppa and a slice of cake to help raise money for the Lymphoma Association.

The tea party is on 19th September 2010, from 3pm - 5pm at the Hinxworth Village Hall.

We are holding our tea party during Lymphoma Awareness Week to help raise awareness of the most common cancer in the under 30year age group; but yet we know so little about.

It is an open invitation so please bring along, friends, family, neighbours, the cat next door...whoever you like! Hope to see you there!

Hayley Xx

Ps. If you would like to help donate a cake or raffle prize then please contact me.

A Whole Load of Running!

2010-07-26T17:06:00.017+01:00

On the 11th July 2010, Rebecca, Jen (Becka's sister), Jana and I took part in the London 10K run. All the training paid off and I completed the run in 1 hour 1 minute and 15 seconds, (with a loo stop!). If i hadn't stopped for the toilet I would have been on target, I think, for under an hour. The rest of the girls were just behind me. I would like to say it was enjoyable, but it was bloody hard work in the sun and heat. It was slightly worrying on the way around because I saw several people had collapsed on the side of the road and were receiving medical treatment. It was however, a great feeling to cross the finishing line at Whithall, and seeing my Mum and Dad stood there watching where I had watched the girls just the year before, in the middle of treatment.

To see the professional photos click here. I recieved a lovely email today from Lymphoma Association.

'We have now received a brilliant £1042.44 for which we are truly grateful.'

A really amazing amount and I would like to say a Big Thank You to everyone for their support. The sponsorship page is open until October so feel free...>;0 ) http://original.justgiving.com/lymphoma10km10

I have to say I didn't suffer too badly on the Monday, my legs were still functioning but I was tired!

This Sunday I took part in Race for Life, in Bedford, I know more running, but that is it for now! The first year I have actually participated, although last year I did go to watch Mum, Jill and Verity. This was the first year we were all going to do it together. Mum, Verity and I completed the 5K in just over 27 minutes and Jill finished 10 minutes ahead of her time last year. A pat on the back for all of us. It was defiantly more enjoyable than the 10K and the atmosphere was really inspirational.

Mum, Verity and I decided not to ask for sponsorship this year as we are doing a few fundraising events already this year, but if you would like to donate to the cause please visit Jill's Just Giving page.

I also went for a check up during the week, to see my consultant. He was really pleased with my progress, and said I looked really well. He was impressed with my running efforts! Bloods were all OK, although it still took a while for my veins to play ball, but it gave me chance to catch up with the nurses. Next check up due in November.

Off to NY in a few days for my sisters 21st birthday, a short break in the big city CAN NOT WAIT!

Hope your all well. X

Bit of a Set Back

2010-05-20T09:07:00.012+01:00

Hi just thought I would update the blog, seeing as I have a bit of time on my hands and I feel I should be doing something! Unfortunately I have had to have this week off work due to a serve throat infection, which doesn't sound that bad but has knocked me for six. Maybe my body is not as invincible as it feels! It all started on Sunday and today (Thursday) is the first day I have felt able to do anything apart from lying on the couch infront of the TV! I guess now the antibiotics are kicking in and will be back at work on Monday.

I have been reading The C-Word by Lisa Lynch, Lisa Lynch writes the blog Alright Tit, which I discovered while I was ill last year. 'The C-Word is an unflinchingly honest and darkly humorous account of Lisa's battle with The Bullshit, as she came to call it. From the good days when she could almost pretend it wasn't happening, to the bad days, when she couldn't bear to wake up, Lisa's story is emotional, heartbreaking and often hilarious. The C-Word will make you laugh and cry, and ultimately reaffirm your faith in life.' - Amazon 2010. I have really enjoyed reading it, admire her honesty and love the way the book can make you laugh despite the subject of cancer.

I have now become a 'Buddy' for the Lymphoma Association. The Buddy scheme offers the opportunity for people affected by lymphoma to talk with someone over the telephone who has had a similar experience. The lymphoma association do their best to match up buddies so the number of calls you get, might not be frequent but hopefully when a call is set up you will be in a position to help, and advise as best you can. I atteneded a Buddy Training day at the LA's offices in Aylesbury about a month of so ago now. It was very intense but highly beneficial, and it was lovely to actually meet some of the team face to face. They do a fabulous job, are highly dedicated and such lovely people...so a BIG THANK YOU to them for all the work they do.

Training is going well for the 10K run I am running in July! I have really chuffed with myself and am on target to run it in under an hour!! If you would like to sponsor me please click on the link below:

http://original.justgiving.com/lymphoma10km10

Any donation however big or small, really does make a difference. So please please sponsor me, even if just the price of a pint of beer!

Seems a shame to break away from tradition so here are some photos I have taken recently!

London 10K Run

2010-04-02T16:35:00.006+01:00

Last year a group of friends ran the London 10K run and raised a fantastic amount, click on this link to see their sponsorship page.

After the 10K Run last year.

This year I am going to be running it, along with a couple of friends. If you would like to sponsor us then please visit our sponsorship page. Thanks.

Have been starting to train in the gym and now the evenings are getting lighter and hopefully the weather is improving, I should be able to start running outside. Watch this space!

Happy Easter everyone! I get to eat chocolate again today :) mini eggs here I come!

Stevenage Football Match in support of the LA

2010-03-15T16:35:00.002Z

On 6th March '10 we organised that the Stevenage vs. Crawley Town game would be held in support of the Lymphoma Association. To raise awareness a little piece was put in the programme...

'Today’s match is in support of the Lymphoma Association, Registered Charity No. 1068395, which provides information and support to anyone affected by lymphatic cancer (most common cancer in the under 30s).
HAYLEY BENHAM DIAGNOSED IN 2009

After a year of travelling, life couldn’t be better but I started to suffer with back pain which I just dismissed as getting back into the daily routine. I then developed flu-like symptoms accompanied by itchy skin and a persistent lump.
After various tests, and a lot of visits to my GP, I was told that I had lymphoma. I had never heard of it before, didn’t even know it was cancer and when you're only 23, that comes as a real shock! I found the Lymphoma Association a wealth of information and support.
My chemotherapy treatment lasted for eight months. Now just over a year since diagnosis I am enjoying getting my life back on track.
Please give generously to the charity volunteers in the stadium as every penny will be put to vital use. Thank you. http://www.lymphomas.org.uk'

It was a great day, friends, family and even the Mayor of Stevenage came down to support. We also did a bucket collection on the day and raised nearly £400 for the LA, a great amount and way above our expectations. A big thanks to everyone involved.

Good News from the Consultant.

2010-03-10T15:33:00.000Z

Bit late in posting this, just wanted to update you all on my follow up appointment with the consultant in March.

The consultant was pleased to see how well I was doing. He was encouraged to see I was back at work three days a week and that my energy levels were returning to what they were before I had lymphoma. My appetite has now returned and I love my food again :). Back at the gym and training for the 10K run which I am going to do in July. I had some bloods taken, which took a while because my veins are still not play ball, but the results all came back normal.

In my follow up letter the consultant wrote:

'Hayley continues in her clinical remission'

which was nice to see in black and white.

Continuing with my photography...here are a few snaps from walking around Cambridge after my appointment.

Hope you are all well.

A Year On.

2010-01-24T18:35:00.016Z

I know I haven't blogged for a while, but a year on from diagnosis I thought a blog was worthy. The last time I wrote was back in October after my follow up appointment. I am due to see the consultant again in a couple of weeks for my second follow up appointment so will let you know how it goes.

So what has been going on since October...well. I have moved out of home and into a two bedroom flat, not to far away. It is lovely to have my own place and home it still just 10 minutes or so away so I can pop in for a cuppa now and then and catch up with the family. After having a year of being very dependent it is a relief to have my independence back. Even though I am living on my own people are always around, which is nice.

I started work again on the 12th January, and received my first pay check this week :0). As I was only temping when I got diagnosed I didn't have a job to go back to as such so I have come across this temporary part time job which I am going to do for the time being. I am working for the council as a garage maintenance officer...not particularly glam or anything I would have ever thought to apply for, but after 2 weeks I actually quite like it. It is 18.5 hours a week which I am finding enough at the moment and it is about 60% in the office and 40% out and about (which makes a nice change to being cooped up all day even if it is a bit cold at the moment). I have been kitted out with a van, Hi Vis jacket and boots, haha.

So besides work and moving out, I have been catching up with friends and eating and drinking far too much! Although I have started the gym again and am even having a few personal training sessions! I had a great birthday weekend back in November and got totally spoilt. And a lovely Christmas and New Year.

I am feeling fine at the moment, a little tired maybe after starting work again, but nothing a few early nights haven't solved, no other aches and pains to report so lets just hope it continues. I kind of but lymphoma to the back of my mind for three months, but now feel ready to get involved in the lymphoma association again and have started writing on the message boards and I am finding out about becoming a buddy. Being busy getting my life on track has meant I haven't thought much about the lymphoma returning, but as ever it does sometimes creep into your mind.

Just so you are aware...we will be going the Great British Tea Break again in September and I hope to run the 10km with some friends in July to raise money for the lymphoma association, watch this space!

Thank you all for your continuing support. x

Follow Up Appointment

2009-10-21T22:52:00.003+01:00

Well I am sorry it has been a while since my last blog, but I have been out and about again instead of stuck at home in front of the computer!

I went to see my consultant for my follow up appointment this week. First off the tan test...my doctor had told me I wasn't aloud to come back too brown from holiday, i passed! Then we discussed my general health, how I was feeling. Told him that I had felt fine since the last chemotherapy, no sniffles of anything and that I was gradually getting my energy levels back, this week has been really good I have been doing a lot more stuff.

Asked a few questions such as - should I go back to the dentist yet? YES as long as my latest blood results come back normal. Can I get my ear re-pierced? YES go for it. Can I go back to the gym, start horse riding again? YES go back to the gym...but why would you want to go horse riding (my consultant didn't actually say those words...but that was the impression I got!). Should I have the flu vaccine? YES if you are happy to do so.

The gist of it is that the lymphoma could come back at any time, at any point, as aggressive as before or not and it could manifest itself in the same way but it might not, there is just no telling. I basically have to be aware of my own body and any concerns I have I will communicate back to him and we will take it from there.

If all runs smoothly I wont see my doctor until February and then if he is happy, not for another 6 months and then if OK, yearly after that. My consultant was pretty laid back about whether he would scan me again or not, his general practice is to not scan again unless there is cause for concern because it creates unnecessary anxiety. I go along with this now, but may feel different in a years time.

Well it finally fells like a door has closed after Tuesday, it is not over but that part is done. As I have said previously but will say again and again, I really appreciate everyone who has been there, however big or small part I couldn't have done it without you and I THANK YOU.

Now for the next chapter - 'Getting my life back on track!'.

HOLIDAY

2009-10-19T23:27:00.015+01:00

Totally relaxing. A few snaps.

Freedom

2009-09-24T09:01:00.004+01:00

Went back to the hospital yesterday hopefully for the last time for a little while. I went to have my port removed. Ended up spending quite a lot of time at the hospital because I was last on the list! The actual procedure to remove it was very quick, I was in and out of theatre in half an hour. Had a small sedative to relax me! Then went into theatre, had a screen put up around my face so I couldn't see what was going on but could feel some tugging and pulling as they removed it. It didn't hurt, it is just the pressure you feel. Had to spend some time in recovery afterwards where they check your blood pressure. Had to wait in hospital for a while afterwards as I had an hour of intravenous antibiotics, to reduce the risk of any infection, a precaution because my blood count was so low. They kept checking my blood pressure too because it was so low! Finally left the hospital at around 2.30pm - hopefully won't be having to come back for a while - freedom!

Today my arm is a little sore and still pink from the anesthetic, it is bruising up nicely but all looks very neat and should heal in no time. It is nice to look down and see flat skin instead of the bump of the port.

9 days till holiday!!!

A Big Thank You

2009-09-24T08:13:00.016+01:00

Last Thursday was the day of the tea party. I wasn't feeling on top form because of a cold I had been suffering from for over a week, but the adrenaline of the day took me through. It was a great day.

Went down to the village hall at about 11.00am and with help from some very good friend got it all ready. We got out the tables, set up the activities and decorated the hall. It looked good by the time we had finished, the hall glistening in purple and white the colours of the lymphoma association.

The tea party started at 3.00pm and it was overwhelming, the number of people that turned up and the amount of cakes and raffle prices that we were given. It was fantastic. As well as tea and cakes to try there were stalls with plants and preserves for sale, photo cards to purchase, a Celebrity Quiz, The Great British Tea Break Quiz and Guess the Weight of the cake. (If you are interested in the answers, drop me an email at hayleyb563@hotmail.com and I will send them to you!).

A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who helped make this a very special occasion and such a huge success. It was great to see so many people come and show their support. We raised over £1200 at the Tea Party and together with donations received we have collected almost £1700 for the Lymphoma Association, an unbelievable amount.

Big smiley face :0)

Great British Tea Break

2009-09-15T17:05:00.007+01:00

If you fancy a cup of tea and a piece of homemade cake this Thursday afternoon, come along to the Hinxworth Village Hall between 3pm and 6pm, all welcome.

Done and Dusted

2009-09-11T16:49:00.007+01:00

So countdown is over, chemotherapy is done and dusted, hopefully for ever but at least for now. All went smoothly today. Saw the consultant..it was decided to leave out Bleomycin today because I have a cold, a slight tightness in my chest and a little shortness of breath. Bleomycin can cause problems it your lungs and it is suggested that it could react with a virus in the chest. Although this is very rare, it is better to air on the side of caution and it is the least important drug out of the four in ABVD, so seeing it was my last one and I have had it 15 times my Dr decided to give me a break today! Also some very good news - I can have a take out curry in two weeks, delicious - can't wait hope it is as good as I remember! Then I guess that means I can do things like go back to the cinema, swimming, being in crowed places - football matches and or course there is all the other take aways to catch up on...and the gym too!

So know time for the reflective part. I was thinking about what to write the other night when I couldn't sleep and knew I should have written it down then and there because now I can't think!

Well I think I have passed that bit of the test - chemotherapy that is and getting into remission. There is a lot more still to come and I am sure with that some ups and downs, but lets just hope I can go up and plateau up there for a bit!

It has been a rollar coaster of emotions, feelings and just generally. 'Good' days well as good as they can be, family days, friend days, inspirational days, days I have laughed, cried, frustrated days, anxious days full of what ifs, wanting to run away days and sleepless nights although not many I am a good sleeper and have some wicked little pills if I can't!

I can't say it has been easy but it hasn't been what I would call hard. There have been difficult times, things I have had to deal with I have never thought about before but overall you just have to do it. I think that we are quite resilient as a race, we kinda of deal with whatever is thrown at us and muddle through as best we can. I couldn't let it pass that today is the 8th anniversary of September 11th...there is always someone worst off than you.

Some friends come, some friends go, some deal with it better than others and friendships grow, people you don't expect surprise you and it is a lovely feeling to know they care. Some run away, don't know what to say, hide, I understand that too, wish I could of, but a message simply saying I don't know what to say is better then none at all. Thank you to everyone who has been there, through it all, you have all amazing, made it easier and you all know who you all are - sending some of that love back at ya.

Now got to get my life back on track...but a little bit of celebration time first hey! x

A week today...

2009-09-04T08:46:00.005+01:00

So a week today I will be hopefully sitting in the chemo chair for the very last time! To be honest it can't come quick enough, this year has been god damm long so far and not very exciting. Bored of being sensible, bored of hospitals, bored of being stuck in the house, bored of having no motivation, bored of being moody, bored of not working, bored, bored bored bored bored!

Don't expect to feel miraculously better when its all over but at least I wont have to go to the hospital every two weeks to get pumped full of drugs, and energy/motivation levels should come back and stay back instead of getting knocked back down again. Hopefully once I return from holiday then I can start to get things back to normal, go to the gym, have a curry, go to the cinema, go out to the pub propably, go away for the weekend...just some of the things on my 'To do when I feel better list!'. Its all uncharted territory though so we will have to see.

How slow/fast can a week go, we shall see.

What a Relief!

2009-08-28T10:45:00.005+01:00

What with the delights of modern technology I had to wait a little longer for my scan results than I had expected, but I got them this morning. The results are good, the scan is 'clear' but not completely negative, the radiologist remarked that he doesn't think there is any active Hodgkin's presents...However there are always quirks! There are some areas of uptake which the radiologist referred to as 'brown fat'. Apparently some people, not many, have these active areas of brown fat which can show up on PET scans. Other indications that the cancer has gone are that there are no active areas in the lymph nodes or in the area that was a concern on the chest x-ray. My consultant also remarked that my lymph nodes had reduced in size from my last CT scan...all good signs.

I also had another bit of good news over the past few days...I entered the lymphoma association's photography competition 'Look at Life Differently' and although my photo wasn't in the top twelve entries they want to use my photograph on the back of their calender! This is it below. To see the winning entries click here.

It is funny how things happen, On Monday I changed my 'count down to last chemo' at the bottom of my page to 2 weeks, a day early! From today it really is two weeks...roll on the 11th September now!

Thanks Dr for buggering up my Weekend!

2009-08-25T08:14:00.000+01:00

Well as with all good things they do come to an end! Chemotherapy didn't quite go as planned today. Went in as normal, saw my consultant and then waited for him to review my chest x-ray which I have at the beginning of every cycle. We waited and waited, then the Dr came back and said that he had just noticed a radiologists remark on the previous cycles chest x-ray, I don't understand all the medical jargon but basically an enlarged lymph node in the right side of my chest - possibly an indication that things aren't as stable as they seem. My Dr did say that he couldn't see any difference between the chest x-rays but he isn't a radiologist. So wanted to get it checked out. Chemotherapy was cancelled for the day and I am scheduled in for an emergency PET scan on Thursday. If the result comes back negative which he suspects, then I will have chemo on Friday...which buggers up my beer festival weekend. If it comes back and shows something then we have to revert to plan B.

A Better Second Week

2009-08-21T07:58:00.000+01:00

Had a quiet week following chemotheraphy this time...just felt too whacked to do anything really. But I did have a much better second week. Wednesday I popped down to see Jen and RoRo. Rowan had his second photo shoot! Bit of excitement to the end of the day...Verity took Harvey out for a walk in the evening and when she came back said she had seen a snake! We all went back to the place where she had seen it to try and find it again, but nothing there. I walked a bit further along the bank and at the bottom of the ditch I saw it, it heard me shouting to Mum and V and quickly slithered up the other side of the bank so I only saw it for a few seconds...not long enough to capture it on the camera!

Friday was a good day too, caught up with some friends and then went out in the evening for Lucie and Ed's leaving due. First time I had been out in the evening for about a month. Friday was definitely a good day!

Its All About Raising Awareness

2009-08-11T18:43:00.011+01:00

Hopefully some of you will be reading this, because of the emails I have sent, facebook messages I have sent or from me posting this on forums. I am starting to realise what a valuable tool the Internet is, especially for people affected by cancer at a younger age, as it is such a part of our lives.

Check out the blogs I am following too.

IT IS ALL ABOUT RAISING AWARENESS. PASS IT ON.

ABVD - Cycle 7, Day 15 - nearly DONE!

2009-08-11T11:42:00.014+01:00

Sitting here writing this while having chemotherapy, the days of modern technology! Typically it is a beautiful day outside!

Saw my consultant as he was back from his holiday. Discussed my fatigue - it is quite debilitating, no matter how much sleep I get I am still tired, and I haven't been doing much at all, don't know when the last time was I went out in the evening to the pub! The Dr said it is a know side effect of ABVD and it does become more prevalent the more cycles you have. He said within 2 months of finishing I should have my energy levels back. I have been doing a bit of reading on the lymphoma website and one of the things I came across was about getting the flu vacine. I asked him if I should have it this year and he said that yes that would be a good idea. Talked about whether I would have any other treatment after chemotherapy, basically it depends what the PET scan shows, and what type of remission I am in, but in all likely hood the chemotherphy will be it - fingers and toes crossed. Discussed a bit about 'if the cancer came back', which is of course is always at the back of my mind and always will be, he said we would discuss percentages after the final PET scan but did say that the odds were on my side. Chatted a bit about the treatment I would recieve if the cancer came back, basically it depends, if and when and where it manifests itself, but the end result would probably be more intense chemotherapy.

Cancer forever more will be in my life, like it or lump it!

ABVD Cycle 2, Day 15 - nearly DONE (just dacarbazine to go)!

7 weeks and 4 days until HOLIDAY!

BTW - I am trying to recruit more followers so spread the word!

Who Do You Think You Are?

2009-08-11T11:01:00.009+01:00

The first few days after chemotherapy this time I felt rubbish, really really tired and sick! Spent the days in bed feeling sorry for myself. Friday was V's birthday, 20!!! So we went out for Prezzo's for lunch, still felt pretty rubbish to be honest but did manage to eat a bit, was pretty quiet and not much fun so sorry V. Slept for most of Friday afternoon and then had pancakes for tea, have been craving them for some reason.

Friday night I had a really disturbed night and woke up feeling very flu like - the side effects of the PEG injection. Had a whole day of Prison Break!!! Well actually not the whole day, Mum got the family tree out in the afternoon and we became absorbed in that - even missed Big Brother! Finally by bed time the sickness had subsided.

Sunday was a vast improvement, no sickness, hot flushes, aches or pains - think the PEG has finally kicked in. Monday I had back pain all day, but I think it was a result of it being that time of the month not lymphoma related, although it did bring back flash backs of the times before I got diagnosed when I was in excruciating pain.

Have spent most of last week being consumed by the family tree, it is very interesting! Our very own Who Do You Think You Are? If history was like this at school I might have liked it! And have been trying to fit in the odd bike ride, steroids don't do anything for your figure, and I have a holiday to prepare for! Met up with Sarah who is swanning off to Italy for a month, very jealous - Italy is defiantly on my 'things to do when I feel better list', have never been and have always wanted to go, everybody raves about it!

Saturday I went to watch Leanne's friend race at Snetterton Race Circuit, managed to get some good photos and the caramel shortcakes went down a storm. We had to do our own bit of rally driving to get there in time! J came second - well done!

BTW - have now finished Prison Break season 3 and need another new box set to start - done all of Lost and 24, any suggestions?!

Race for Life

2009-07-29T09:00:00.023+01:00

This year, Mum, Verity and my Aunt Jill did the Race for Life again! Jill's 4th year of doing it and Mum's 3rd year. We went to watch them run/walk the race in Bedford. I had never been to a Race for Life event before but it was surprisingly emotional, everyone is there really, just for one reason because they have been affected by cancer, either personally or through someone they know. I loved reading all the pink notes on peoples' backs.

Before, after and during shots!

They all did extremely well, Mum and Verity beating Mum's previous years time, coming in at 28.03 minutes and Jill power walked around coming in a little after. People of all ages, fitness levels and for different reasons came over that finish line but hopefully next year I won't be stood watching I will be trying to beat 28.03! We finished the evening off with a BBQ although due to English Summertime had to eat it inside because of the rain, typical!

Monday we went to Cambridge for a bit of retail therapy and I had to get some stuff for my summer holiday before they whipped all the summer stuff out of the shops and put the Autumn stuff in. It was quite a successful trip, managed to get quite a lot of stuff. Had to have an hours sleep in the afternoon though, after only 3 hours of shopping it is not very good.

Tuesday was chemo day - ABVD Cycle 7, Day 1. They had to redo my bloods when I got there because my neutrophills were really low. With chemotherapy it destroys lymphoma cells by preventing all cells from growing and dividing. Your blood count can become temporarily low during treatment because chemotherapy is unable to distinguish between growing cancer cells or normal cells.

It is a particular concern when white bloods cells are low, neutrophills are a type of these. There are several different types of white cells, all of which function in various ways to protect the body from infection. Neutrophils, for example, protect the body by eating microbes and other potentially risky particles. They produce pus and help to alert you to the fact that an infection may be present, by causing pain, swelling and redness. White blood cells are important as they provide the body’s main protection against infection. When the number of white cells, specifically neutrophils, is low, this is known as neutropenia.

With my bloods being redone I had to wait over an hour before the start of treatment. They had a few issues with my port, at the beginning it wasn't behaving, the nurse said that sometimes it can become pressed against the vein wall, because it is such a big vein it is in with a huge blood flow and can become stuck against the wall, so she had to fire it off the vein wall with saline solution! Started chemotherapy before lunchtime, had my 2 injections and then 2 drips. While the drips were going through I watched Broke back Mountain, was a bit bored to be honest!

Because my neutrophills were so low, I had to take a PEG (Neulasta to give it its full name) injection with me to have down at the surgery tomorrow. This should engourage my bone marrow to produce more white blood cells helping me fight infection and hopefully make me feel less tired.

Felt very tired by the end of the day and icky - ABVD Cylce 7, Day 1 - DONE!

Tired, Tired, Tired

2009-07-24T20:03:00.016+01:00

Saw my consultant today as he was going on holiday Saturday so I wouldn't be able to see him at chemo on Tuesday. He said my heart echo was all clear, as he expected, he said it in a load of medical jargon but basically my heart is still beating away ok!

Told him about my extreme tiredness. The last couple of weeks I haven't really done a lot at all because I have felt so tired and lethargic (bloody missing a night out tonight because of it, hope you have fun people!). The other afternoon I ended up sleeping for 2 hours in the middle of the afternoon. He said he didn't think it was the lymphoma coming back because I had none of the other symptoms ie. lumps, sweats or itchy skin. He suggested it might be an a cumulative effect of the chemotherapy as I have had my fair dose now, 6 cycles, 12 treatments...only 4 more to go! He said he would take a rain check on it in a couple of weeks.

We ended up being back home by 10.00am as our appointment had been at 8.20am, haven't got up that early for a long time! On the way there we were ahead of the commuters!

Made some fudge, white chocolate and oat biscuits to occupy myself for the rest of the morning. The recipe made a load but they are gorgeous so I am sure we will manage to get through them! Also rang around a few insurance companies about travel insurance, managed to find insure cancer who will hopefully insure me but it wont be cheap and they can only do the paperwork 4 weeks before you travel.

With the travel insurance kind of sorted I booked the holiday. So from the 3rd October to 10th October, Leanne and I will be here...

...sipping cocktails by the pool!

It is a place called Kalkan in Turkey -

'Nestled between the Taurus Mountains and the Mediterranean, Kalkan harbour is a sophisticated town combining all your holiday needs – history, culture, entertainment, rest and relaxation. The town boasts an array of sophisticated restaurants, boutique hotels and elegant rooftop bars in the evening, while in the day visitors can choose from a range of nearby beach clubs or vast stretches of white beaches in nearby Patara' - Tapestry Collection Website.

10 weeks Saturday and counting!

First Post :0)

2009-07-23T18:27:00.012+01:00

Well this is my first post...

Have decided to start a blog after reading several inspirational blogs on the internet, and finding them helpful. It's something to entertain me as well, while I while away the days until my last chemo session...8th September!

To set the scene I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma back in February of this year and since then my life has changed dramatically. I had just returned from a years travelling back in November (photo - me and travelling bubs, taken last October on Whitehaven Beach, East Coast of Australia) and life couldn't have been better, it had been one big party since I had been back, going out every weekend and catching up with friends and family.

They do say cancer is a life changing experience and it definitely makes you see life differently. Funnily enough 'Look at Life Differently' is the title of the lymphoma associations photography competition this year.

What a good lead in, to allow me to tell you that I will be littering these blogs with 'pretty' pictures as since my diagnosis I have invested in an SLR camera and have been happily snapping away ever since!

This blog is designed a) as a way to keep those around me informed of my progress and b) provide an insight into living with lymphoma, to help those who have been diagnosed or for people who simply want to find out more.

If this blog just helps one person, it will be worth it. Happy reading :0)

Heart Echo

2009-07-20T17:00:00.002+01:00

Monday was the day of my heart echo, apparently routine if you have more than six cycles of ABVD. Initially alarm bells started ringing when my consultant said he wanted to do one, but he reassured me that it was usual and he suspected everything would be fine.

Went out for a walk amongst the countryside in the morning with Mum and Harvey (my dog!) and as it was a nice sunny morning, took some photos! Ended up with Mum lying in the corn to get a photo of a poppy, dedication for you!

An echocaridiogram, to give it its full name, is a scan of the heart, really similar to an ultrasound. Essentially to check the heart is there, still alive and kicking! It was my kind of scan because I didn't have to fast for 12 hours before, of have any radiation which normally makes me puke!

Had to wear the compulsory hospital gown! The echo all in all took about half an hour. It was a painless test although a little uncomfortable at times, when the Dr was probing to get a picture of the bottom of the heart. The worst bit is getting covered in the gunky gel! At times the doctor turned the sound on, and all I could hear was, swish, swish, of what I guess is the blood flowing through my veins. I couldn't see the monitor because I had my back to it so it would have been nice if the doctor had described what he was seeing and doing but he didn't! It has been the same with all the other scans I have had, they don't like to tell you anything at the time, it is down to the consultant to give you the results. Should get the results on Friday when I see my consultant.

Another procedure to add to my list and home for lunch, bonus!

Four more to go...

2009-07-14T15:12:00.001+01:00

ABVD cycle 6, day 15 - DONE! Four treatments to go, still 8 weeks though, blah!

Girlies Run the 10k

2009-07-12T14:35:00.012+01:00

Ascot yesterday and London today. Dad and I went up to watch Leanne, Lucie, Becka, Helen and Nicola ran the London 10km run for the Lymphoma Association. All in all they raised over £1800, an awesome amount. They came in just over an hour, which was really good, made me very proud. They all did really well. It was a lovely day, nice and sunny and I enjoyed walking around London as well as watching the race.

The weekend ended on an adrenaline high. At about 8 ish the phone rang, it was our neighbour saying the field was on fire. Went outside and it was, the sound was immense. The fire brigade had been called and arrived pretty promptly, in fact it wasn't just one fire engine that arrived...three did! The fire wasn't that big but the firemen said if the field hadn't been set aside the whole thing would have gone up - scary. What a way to end the weekend!

A Day's Outing to Ascot

2009-07-10T12:59:00.011+01:00

Saturday we had a day at Ascot, which was wicked. I have never been to Ascot and the stands were amazing. We had a box for the day which we shared with some of Dad's work colleagues and their families. The only down fall of the day was the weather. Master Mylo ran in the forth race. He did really well seeing as it was probably a race above his class. Of course I captured the day on film! Managed to get some interesting shots from the balcony of the box. Roll on Ladies Day next year!

Family shot before we left.

Master Mylo - pre parade ring.

Master Mylo after the race.

Cooling off after the race!

And some other shots of the day...

Sun, sun, sun :0)

2009-07-05T12:30:00.002+01:00

Tuesday was the start of cycle six...could have been the start of the last cycle but that is not to be so still two more cycles to go. Chemotherapy went without a hitch.

Felt Ok after chemotherapy. Actually went out for the few days after, on Wednesday I met with Charlene and she was looking after Freddy and Thursday I met with Jen and baby RoRo.

The good times ended on Friday though when I woke up with another cold. Managed to drag myself to Rhythms of the World on Saturday which was a lovely sunny day, much like the rest of the week has been. Had to have a chill out day on Sunday though because it had worn me out.

Jaffa Cakes!

2009-06-28T12:09:00.000+01:00

Second part of cycle 5 on Tuesday. All went ok. Felt very sick and tired in the evening but that was all. ABVD Cycle 5 - DONE!

Had another jewellery making session over the next few days. Then on Friday I made Jaffa Cakes, what a per larva...they were really nice but a bit of a nightmare to make, it wasn't as easy as they made it look on TV! Went down the pub in the evening to catch up with everyone which was nice.

Have been trying to go out on my bike a bit, seeing as the weather has been nice and it feels good to do a bit of exercise, granted I don't go far and it is bloody hard but it makes me feel better that I am doing something.

Had a photography lesson on Wednesday - thanks Karen. It was a lovely day so we went out side to take photos. Did a little exercise around the village, where by you can't adjust the lens of the camera, so to get interesting shots you have to get in close to things or bend down, stand up etc. It was fun and helped me realise there are so many shots out there!

Had a good weekend, filled with pubs and BBQ's.

Girlie Night and an Evening at the Races.

2009-06-15T10:35:00.001+01:00

Have had a pretty productive week making jewellery. Have been making stuff for friends and family as well as for my aunts stall. Really enjoy doing it and now even have my own set of purple sparkling tools! In terms of side effects from chemotherapy I haven't really had any apart from feeling tired but that is it.

Friday night we went out for a girls night which was a really good laugh.

Monday evening we went to the races at Windsor to see Fixation and Kaijai race. It was a lovely evening and I managed to get some good photos.

A Little Bit of Strawberry Fairness!

2009-06-07T10:13:00.002+01:00

Second of June and the start of cycle 5. It was mum's birthday yesterday so she brought in some chocolates for the nurses which went down well. Chemotherapy went ok. Saw my Dr and we discussed holidays, I asked how long I needed to wait before I went off for a holiday. He said 3 - 4 weeks and that Turkey was an ok destination, so now I can look at some and hopefully book something to look forward to.

The next day I didn't feel too bad so spent the morning with Bean and got some snaps of Freddy.

Saturday was Strawberry Fair, the day started off with the weather not being that great but it brightened up in the afternoon and I managed to catch the sun on my face. It was a great day with live music, a few ciders and a nosey around the stalls. Had a lovely day and evening...managed to last until about midnight!

A cold :0(

2009-05-30T16:09:00.002+01:00

After starting off the week all productive with card and jewellery making, it ended in a cold! Friday woke up really bunged up and feeling s**t! On the plus side managed to get a far amount of 24 watched, working myself through the box sets! Felt better on Sunday and a visit from Sals and co cheered me up. It was a lovely day too, you could even say hot so we sat outside in the garden! Not one to complain about the weather but I hope it doesn't get much hotter, its not very comfortable wearing a headscarf in the heat.

The next week passed by uneventfully. Lisa had a party for her birthday on Saturday night, which I went too but was pretty whacked from the cold so didn't stay long :0( Never knew a cold could hit you so bad.

Not much else to report so some photos...

Dum Dum Dum...

2009-05-15T15:44:00.004+01:00

Wednesday - dum dum dum, the day of the port fitting! Got to the hospital in good time, checked in and then was taken to the room by the nurse. Went through all the paper work and had my obs done, which all in all took about half an hour. Had to then change into the hospital gown and dressing gown. Tried to just stay relaxed and watched morning TV while my stomach was going berserk, never had an operation before!

At about 10.30am, the Dr came to see me, who was going to be inserting the port. He went through the procedure with me and asked if I had any questions. He explained what a port was - 'An implantable port is a thin, soft, plastic tube that is put into a vein in your chest or arm and has an opening (port) just under the skin. This allows medicines to be given into the vein or blood to be taken from the vein'. He explained it would make my life a lot easier, assured me I would get used to it and become quite attached to it - well I don't know about that! Have to say once he was gone was more nervous, it sounded more scary then when we had talked about it at last chemotherapy!

Shortly after he had gone the nurse came to collect me. She was very nice and walked me down to theatre. She asked me how I was feeling and I told her I was nervous but she said I would be fine.
Went into the anesthetists room and got onto the chair. Had a cannula put in my arm and then was given some sedation, which when it first hits you makes you feel really light headed. The guys were really relaxed and nice, in fact I think they chatted, joked the whole time! Was then wheeled into the theatre and had the procedure done. Don’t really remember much of it, you are kind of in a trance state, although I know I talked to anesthetist and consultant throughout and didn’t really feel anything just some pushing and pulling but that was it really. Tried to scratch my nose at one point, and was quickly shouted at to not move! Also remember seeing them stitching me up, the thread and needle kept going up and down above my head! Had to spend 10 minutes in recovery afterwards, they checked my obs and then I was taken back down to my room. All in all it was a lot quicker and a lot less painless than I thought. A unique and strange experience.

Afterwards the Dr came down to see me and check that the port was ok and not too bruised or swollen. Had a look at it and it was very neat and didn’t look like it had the dressing on it, it had it was just see through like a second skin. Afterwards I was free to go.

That was the easy bit, over the next few days my arm was very painful and I couldn't really lift my arm above my head, it was very sore. Still managed to go out Friday night though for Lanny's birthday though...

Not The News I Had Hoped For - Bummer!

2009-05-07T15:37:00.002+01:00

My Doctor rang on Thursday with my scan results, he said my scan results were positive, the main bulk of the cancer was now negative and he was really pleased with it, but there was a small area of pet positivity in the left side of my neck. The consequences of this being that he wants to give me eight cycles of ABVD now not six which I had hoped for. He did say that 8 cycles is the standard for Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

Got off the phone and was very upset, 8 cycles felt like such a blow. So I hadn't reached the half way point yesterday after all. What with now having to have eight cycles and a port; tied to handcuffs for a while longer then!

PET Scan

2009-05-06T15:06:00.002+01:00

Had to get up early Tuesday to go to my PET scan, wasn't allowed breakfast so that made getting ready all the more easy! The PET scanning unit was a relatively new department in the hospital. Had to answer a few questions before they took me through, just went over some details and they checked I was healthy enough for the PET scan. Then I was taken through to the scanning bays, had to go on my own because they don’t like you to mix with people as you are radioactive!
Had to get changed into a gown (attractive), be weighed and measured and then I was taken to a bay. Had my blood sugar levels checked and then was given the injection of radioactive stuff that was in a metal syringe!

I then had to sit for an hour and a half and try to relax so the radioactive stuff could work around my body! I had to remain as still as possible in order to get a reliable reading as possible. The time actually didn’t go too slowly as I had plenty of magazines to read. When the time was up the nurse came to get me, had to empty my bladder and then it was off to the scanning room. The scanner looks really similar to a CT scanner, it is a large tube like structure with a bed coming out of it that moves in and out, it is quite spacious so I didn't feel claustrophobic. It was a bit cold so they got some blankets to wrap around me once I was lying on the scanner. Had to have my arms above my head and was told to shut my eyes because of the bright lights in the scanner. They did a CT scan first and then the PET scan. The PET scan lasted 28 minutes, at first it felt like a life time, but once I relaxed it didn’t seem to take to long and before I knew it they were lowering me out the machine, I was opening my eyes and trying to adjust to the bright lights! Some music to listen too would have made the time go faster, but you can't have everything!

Saw my consultant afterwards and he did the usual chest checks and said he was happy to proceed with chemotherapy tomorrow. He said he would ring with results of the scan when he knew. Started to feel a bit sick while I was talking to him.

The car journey home wasn't fun, started to feel very sick and had to stop several times, must have been the radiation they gave me. Spent the whole evening feeling queasy.

Chemotherapy didn't go as straight forward as usual on Wednesday, they had real trouble getting my cannula in. It took two nurses, numerous attempts and a lot of patience before it was in! They said this was a real concern as my veins weren't likely to put up with this much more and they wouldn't get any better if we persisted. That is when the nurse suggested I have a port fitted. As soon as she mentioned it all sorts of thoughts started running through my head, 'I don't want something permanently under my skin', 'its alien'. The nurse sat and told me more about it and also showed me another lady who had one, it was very inconspicuous but still felt wrong to me. To be honest though it is the best option, can't have another day like today, not only did it take ages to find a suitable vein, the number of attempts had made my arm sore and the chemotherapy had to be administered really really slowly cause the veins were irritated and it was painful. The first time chemotherapy has been a real struggle. Came away feeling quite dishearted as I would have to go back next week to have this port fitted, should have been more chuffed at possibly completeing the half way point.

ABVD Cycle 4 - Day 1 - DONE! (not soon enough!)

Babies and BBQ's

2009-05-04T20:09:00.003+01:00

Wednesday I spent the morning with Charlene and baby Freddie - went to the park and everything, Freddy can't fail to put a smile on your face - he is just such a dude. And then on Friday I met baby Rowan, just a few week old! He was so cute and we didn't hear a sound from him throughout the meal!

Saturday night had a BBQ with some mates - not to be repeated, had a bit of a dodgy stomach after that one and was sick the next day - nice!!! Obviously BBQ food is another food I have to avoid, along with takeaways, soft cheese, pate and sushi! Can't wait to have a take out curry and go for Chinese once this is all over!

Spoke to my Dr and he said he suspected strongly it was the BBQ food - BBQ's are the most common cause of food poisoning apparently and he advised I have lots of milk, apparently it is good for stomach bugs! Not the best preparation for my PET scan on Tuesday.

Complete ******ks!

2009-04-26T19:53:00.003+01:00

Monday had to go to the Job Centre for an interview in regards to the Employment and Support Allowance I am receiving. What a complete waste of time, got to the job centre, complete confusion, no one knew what was going on! Had my 'interview' with a very nice lady but it was completely pointless. The 'interview' consisted of about 3 questions, all of which I had answered in my 45 minute telephone conversation with the benefits people when I first made my claim and then I gave her my CV, that was it. Apart from me giving my CV it was nothing that couldn't have be conducted over the phone and I could have easily emailed my CV. All in all I was in and out the Job Centre within 10 minutes. It really pissed me off actually, it is not the easiest of things for me to go down to the Job Centre, physically and on a self consciousnesses level. There must be an easier way...

*cheered up about the whole situation a few weeks later when I received a letter saying my allowance has been increased as the Job Centre has referred me to a work support group - Shaw Trust, as a matter of course. I do have to attend some more interviews but the extra money is worth it. Why couldn't the lady of said that at the time and I might not have been so annoyed!*

An Evening at the Races.

2009-04-20T18:52:00.005+01:00

Monday evening we went to see Master Mylo run at Winsor. It was a beautiful evening. Got to go in the pre parade ring and see him get saddled up and then we were able to go in the parade ring with our owners/trainers badges! Met the jockey, who looked good in HG's silks. Master Mylo did really well and came in 5th. Not bad for only his second outing. Spoke to the jockey after the race and he was really chuffed with Master Mylo. Well done boy!

Had chemotherapy the next day - ABVD cycle 3 day 15 done!

The Start of Cycle 3 - Cheers!

2009-04-18T14:10:00.001+01:00

Tuesday was chemo day again, this time the start of cycle 3. Saw my consultant and again he was pleased with progress. We discussed that my bad cycles could be a result of me being on my break from the pill. I seem to have a bad cycle in terms of side effects every time I am on my break. He said it is quite possible as the contraceptive pill gives you hormones which is also what the steroids do to make you not feel sick. I am going to try and take two packets together then my break won't fall in chemotherapy week and see if that makes a difference. I also asked if I was allowed to drink, as in alcohol because I now haven't drunk for 3 months and I wouldn't mind a glass on vino! He said yes but stressed the difference between a glass and a bottle!

Didn't feel to bad after chemo this time around and managed to catch up with some friends during the week. Have also started doing Wii Fit which is really fun and ideal for me as it is a gentle form of exercise. Went down to the pub on Friday night to have my 'glass of wine', which did turn into a few! Note to Dr a few glasses not bottles! Then Saturday night had a take away with a few friends, although again I couldn't indulge in a take away due to risk of food poisoning so I just had a Nann!

Wednesday was another mile stone, decided to drive over to my aunt's house, the first time I have driven since about the end of January. Just hadn't felt I had the concentration. Think I will be OK just doing little journeys in the day know. Spent the after with my aunt making jewellery, another little hobby I have acquired!

Friday I went out with the girls to Pizza Express we had a really nice meal, bottle of wine and after dinner liquors! Popped to the pub afterwards and stayed out till 1am! See photos below.

Below Below - Some of the Gang; Below right - Sis and I; Below left - the Girls.

So Much for an Easy Cycle!

2009-04-06T13:34:00.005+01:00

Well the feeling good through the last cycle wasn't to be this time around! Woke up in the early hours of Wednesday morning feeling and being sick - Nice! The nausea was really bad and I basically spent the whole of Wednesday in bed, just drinking water and not eating anything. And that was repeated on Thursday - not good. Friday I though I was OK, so I ate a packet of Strawberry laces that Verity had got me - not a good idea because at midnight I was sick again! The nausea is the most horrible feeling ever, nothing seems to take it away, and the sickness is just uncontrollable - it was like something out of a Little Britain sketch!!!

By Sunday I was starting to feel better and managing to eat plain things. I even made some Sticky Toffee cupcakes in the afternoon which are yummy. Just as I am starting to feel better Dad has a cold, so have to try and steer clear of him so I don't get infected!

The second week has definitely been better and I have managed to do stuff, even managed the pub Friday and Saturday night - rebel! Didn't come any where in the Grand National as per usual. The rest of the weekend was spent sorting out my Australia photos, I am finally getting around to getting them printed and put in an album! Only 6 months after having returned.

A Breeze of a Cycle - Fingers Crossed it Lasts!

2009-03-24T11:31:00.011Z

Plodding along until next chemo session, occupying my time with, visits from people, (thanks for coming it breaks up my days), cooking - attempted some pasta which tasted gorgeous but its not as easy as they make it look on TV let me tell you and photography, the subject this week was the frogs in the pond!

Had an afternoon out in Woburn on Saturday, it was a nice sunny day so the park was pretty busy, managed to take some good shots of the lions.

Tuesday another trip to the hospital for ABVD cycle 2 day 15! As we were driving over there my Dr rang me to check I was on my way, we weren't late of anything but he said he want to check I was coming because he hadn't heard from us in 2 weeks! The ward I usually go to was having some snagging done on it so I had to go to a different ward and it was all a bit chaotic, my Dr was on reception at the nurse's station when we arrived! Which could explain the phone call, he must have been bored!

Dr was pleased with my progress, he said he can't feel the lump on my thigh anymore and my stomach is returning to normal and doesn't look distended so he thinks my liver is responding as well. He thought as I had had a clear cycle this time in terms of side effects, the problems with the previously bad cycles were probably due to mass tumour kill. Also the PEG injection would have helped me feel better this time around. We discussed putting my PET scan back to just before cycle 4 instead of after this cycle because I had a CT scan not so long ago when I was in hospital.

Two good things when I got home from chemo, i) my flat screen TV and DVD player had been fitted in my bedroom - its awesome and ii) a letter from Benefits saying they would pay me the Employment and Benefit Allowance of £50 a week - better than a kick in the teeth!

Fingers crossed for another 'good' cycle.

Low Bloods

2009-03-16T17:32:00.008Z

Chemo day - the first thing they had to do was take more bloods as on Friday my neutrophill count was 0.06 and under 0.5 is significant meaning you have neutrophina. Saw my Dr, he said it was good to see me looking better and eating. He looked at my mouth ulcers and said they were due to my low white blood count. He ran through my revised medication and talked about the possibly of delaying the chemo if the bloods were still bad. He also discussed giving me a injection to boast my white blood cells. Had to wait until 1pm to get my bloods back, yes they were still low but they were going to go ahead, they were 0.2. Didn’t end up getting away until nearly 5.00pm. Had another lot of pills and the growth injection to have tomorrow. Despite leaving at 5.00pm it didn’t take too long to get back and I didn’t feel car sick, bonus!

Steroids must be working again as the next day I made carrot cake (used my own carrot cake recipe but used the icing from this one), it turned out well and tasted even better (my cousin Nick will vouch for that I am sure!).

Thursday my red cheeks had returned, it seems that a few days after chemotheraphy I get this flushed look on my face, random!

Went out for Charlene's birthday on Saturday night, first 'big' night out wearing my head scarf, all went ok and soon forgot about it, was lovely to see everyone.

Monday we went to Shuttleworth for a walk around, as it was such a nice day, took some photos.

Day 7 Syndrome, Hospital Again and Again!

2009-03-09T16:40:00.005Z

Day 7 after second chemotherapy - Woke up feeling sick and had stomach cramps, hadn’t slept very well at all. Rang the hospital and they said to come down. Felt very sick in the car, mum had to drive like a learner and I had to have the windows open!

Dr saw me at about 11.30 am; first thing he said was 'oh dear is that a vomit bowl!' We sat and had a chat about why I had come in, sore mouth (which was actually much better), sickness, stomach cramps and breathlessness. He did a thorough examination, and was very impressed with the size or not of my lump and said that my chest was absolutely clear. He said he thought the breathlessness was nothing to worry about but would check my saturation levels and pulse rate after on the ward, which were all ok. I’ve just got to accept that I am ill and am not going to be running any marathons. While I was there he said he was going to do chest x-ray just to check for bleomycin toxicity but stressed it would be clear, it would be very unlikely that after only one cycle of chemotherapy.

He stressed again how impressed he was with the size of the lump, he said it was comparable to his faster patient to date, in terms of lump reduction. He thought it would be very unlikely that the abdomen lumps and cancer in the liver wouldn’t be doing the same thing. He said I had good flexion in my back and he thought the twinges I am feeling were not the lymphoma flaring but being killed off. In terms of the abdominal pains he said he could do a CT scan but wanted to hold off because of radiation. He thought it could possibly be a reaction to the bleomycin and could take the bleomycin out if needed and if it was that causing the problems.

The nurse gave me my Clexane and came in for a little chat. She said she liked my headscarf, with everything else that had been going on I had forgotten it was the first time I was wearing a scarf out in public.

Got back at 2pm, just managed to get in the door before I throw up in the utility room sink, had felt sick in the car but not like I was actually going to be sick, and then when I got in the door, woosh, the dog was not impressed, with me retching I think he thought he had done something wrong!

Afterwards I went upstairs to bed and just tried to sleep to stop the sickness feeling. At 3.30 pm I was sick again, got a few moments of relief after I had been sick but then the feeling came back. Mum rang the hospital, and they said take an Ondansetron and try sips of fizzy water. She said to ring back if I kept vomiting.

At 6pm took some paracetamol as my stomach was very painful. Mum and I watched a film, well I had my eyes shut, dozing through most of it and trying to ignore the pain. Later on that evening I was still in a lot of pain, so we rang the hospital again. Dr said his gut feeling was, it is my whole system knitting together to fight chemo. If it got worse throughout the night, as in me not being able to move and real pain instead of discomfort then I must go to hospital. He reiterated that if it continued he could do a scan just to check there wasn’t any kind of blockage or twist anywhere. He had been doing a bit of internet searching and thought it could be Vinblastine type abdominal cramps , which is common in young people taking a sister drug of Vinblastine. He asked if I had any painkillers and I remember I had some Dihydrocodeine that I had been given on Boxing Day. He said to take one and it should work within an hour. Took one Dihydrocodeine and it made me feel spaced out and I went to sleep on the sofa practically straight away.

Woke up to not much improvement, felt too ill to go down to the surgery so mum gave me my Clexane injection! Spent the morning in bed. Had lunch, a gingerbread man and smoothie at 2pm, 2.30pm it all came back up! Mum rang the hospital back and Dr said he wanted me to go down to the hospital to stay in overnight for obs and to get the sickness and pain under control. Don’t know how I managed the car journey, had to stop several times. Stayed overnight, had 2 bags of fluid, and Lorazepam a ‘happy high drug’. Discharged the next morning.

Friday - woke up feeling not too bad, the pain seemed to have eased and I didn’t seem to feel sick. It didn’t last long though, I started to feel sick and the pain came back while I was having breakfast. My Dr wanted me to come in to hospital to have a CT scan and stay until Sunday. I wasn’t best pleased with that but have to admit I wasn’t feeling very good at all.

Had my CT scan, much the same as last time. A doctor came to take some bloods, and managed to cover me in blood, I looked like something out of Saw!

My Dr came to see me in the evening, he started off by saying he was glad that he had done a CT scan because it showed really good results. He said ball park figure, that the tumours had reduced by about 50%. He said my liver has reduced a lot in size. He said he thought the sickness and cramps were due to mass tumour kill as so much has been killed off. He said he wanted to keep me in until Sunday to get this under control, he was going to be over cautious this time as he had sent me home too early on Thursday.

Had an restless night, what with the man a few rooms down from me who had a monitor on all night and I could hear it bleeping,and they also came in to do my bloods at 2am, then at 6am to do my obs. After that I dozed until breakfast arrived. Spent the day whiling away the hours in hospital.

Sunday morning was actually asleep when the nurse came in at 6.45 am to do my obs and give me my medication, the pain seems to be at its least since Monday and no sickness, looking good.
Managed to eat my breakfast at 8.00am. Felt a bit sick during the morning, just when I thought I had got rid of it. Dr came to see me and said that as long as I was ok at lunchtime I could go home. Felt very upset that I was feeling sick again, just don’t know how I am going to cope with it for 6 months. Lunch came at 12.30pm and I suddenly felt very sick, couldn’t eat it and had to ask the nurse for some anti-sickness stuff. Laid on the bed and tried to concentrate on my breathing, eventually it went off. After a few hours we decided it was best for me to go home. The nurse had a little chat with me about ways to try and stop the sickness. Back home for a day before I have to go and have more chemo, oh the joys!

Spose constant sickness is a good way to loose weight!

Look Good Feel Better and Number 1!

2009-03-02T13:58:00.013Z

After the second cycle of chemotherapy I really started to notice my hair falling out. You notice these stray strands standing up and you can just pull them out so easily, and every time I run my hands through my hair 6 or 7 strands will come out.

Thursday afternoon I went to a Look Good Feel Better Day which was a really good afternoon. It is a pamper afternoon for ladies going through chemotherapy and they talked through things such as hair loss, wearing wigs and gave you a make up lesson. Before we started it was like something out of the Witches by Roal Dahl, the experts said if people wanted to take there headscarves/wigs off, feel free, then all of a sudden all these ladies started taking of their wigs, some of them I didn't even realise were wearing them, you had to laugh really!

Practiced some more photograpy at Shepworth Zoo on Friday.

Friday night I had a really bad night, was thinking about my hair coming out, my mouth was sore and I was agitated. In the morning I went down to use some of the medicated mouth wash I had been described - it was horrible, its like thick aniseed wallpaper paste, that you have to wash around you mouth and hold for as long as you can bare! Soup and chocolate moose were on the agenda for lunch because I couldn't eat anything else!

Slightly obsessive about loosing my hair, can't stop brushing it, just want it out now. Have stopped washing my hair so much as I can't bare it coming out everywhere in the shower. Monday afternoon had had enough and one of our friends came over to shave my hair off. She was great made no fuss and just did it, felt much better afterwards and I had joined the cancer club!

ABVD Cycle 1, Day 15

2009-02-24T12:08:00.002Z

Rang the benefits line before we left for chemotherapy, they don't make it easy, was on the phone for 45 minutes!!! Stopped me thinking about going to get pumped with more drugs that would probably take me off my high though! My consultant was pleased to see that the tumour on my thigh had further reduced from last time and the tenderness had gone. I also said I thought my abdomen was less distended and he agreed. It was a good consultation, at the end he said I looked more well in myself, I tended to agree with him and he said it’s often the case when people with Lymphoma undergo chemo they feel better, as it subsides the symptoms of the disease. He said I was being very brave about it as he said there is no hiding around the bush I have advanced Hodgkin’s.

After the consultation chemo started. When the cannula went it it was a little tender but once dressed it was fine. Lunch came as I was having chemo, ham and mustard sandwich with jelly and I had mum’s bread roll too, the steroids had made me hungry again. Note next time bring snacks! Read Ok which featured Jade's wedding, very moving but some gorgeous photos. Read a lot of my Lance Armstrong book too although it was a little difficult just using my left hand! Also went through and deleted some of the hundreds of messages on my phone, re reading some of the ones people had sent and they somehow meant more to me now, reading them for the second time. People can say some really nice things. Deleted some but also kept the ones I might just need to look at again on a bad day. Before we left we made sure we had all our drugs and booked a chest x-ray for next time, with Bleomycin, they check your chest every cycle. Didn’t feel too tired or sick or anything, in a funny way chemo had just seemed routine today. For dinner we had pasta, Mum gave me loads, but I ate it all! Afterwards we had pancakes (being Pancake Day), on top of all the pasta I managed to eat 3 pancakes. It’s funny the steroids don’t make you feel full, although after all that lot I did feel bloated!

ABVD Cycle 1 - DONE!

The Time Between Chemo

2009-02-23T09:36:00.003Z

Thursday I had my first introduction to sickness, woke up at 5am feeling nauseous and swiftly put my travel bands on, managed to get back to sleep for a few hours before I woke up again, this time it was nothing ginger nuts couldn't cure (a Jill tip!). Spent the afternoon making a drugs chart, to try and keep up with all the tablets I have to take and when, I have a basket of pills!!! Appetite has certainly been better, being on the steroids.

Friday had to go back to the hospital to have some bloods taken just to see how my body was responding to chemotherapy, its just this time I have to go back to the hospital as its the first treatment, after that I can just go to the GP for bloods which is closer. The run down to the hospital was OK dispute the snowfall the night before. Got perscribed more medication, more sickness tablets, stuff in case I got mouth ulcers because my mouth was starting to get tingly and constipation sachets! (some of the tablets bung you up!) Bit more of a disappointing day as I had to sleep again in the afternoon, but I did feel better in the evening (Leanne popped around and we pigged out on chocs!). My temperature although it rose a bit. wasn’t nearly as bad as it has been. Thank god the temperatures have seemed to have stopped.

Saturday (Valentine's day) I went down to the pub in the evening to see friends, felt like ages since I have been out, was nice to be out and about, they all made me laugh! Didn't stay out too long as got very tired...and everyone was getting too drunk, hehe, its hard being sober when everyone else isn't!

Sunday my back started to get very stiff again. I not suppose to take Diclofenic anymore with the chemotherapy drugs so I think that is why my back pain has returned! Rang my consultant about my back pain as the GP wasn't very sympathetic and arranged an appointment for Tuesday. A gentleman in the village popped around in the afternoon to give me a genealogy lesson, mum was hooked instantly and starter her family tree on ancestry.com, it is quite addictive, haven't quite got the concentration for it yet though.

Monday night was another restless night, was in quite a bit of pain with my back and stomach cramps. Went over to the hospital Tuesday morning, and saw my consultant. Felt very emotional in the car, its seems I can't wake up without something being wrong, felt sick in the car too which wasn't nice. Saw my consultant, he said the lump on my thigh had gone down already which was amazing, he thought the back pain was the lymphoma flaring up as the chemo was fighting it and prescribed me some pain killers. The rash on my skin could be a reaction to the Bleomycin or because my immune systems was low, so antibiotics for that, going to have to redo the drug chart! Also got some tablets for my stomach cramps! I asked about my bone marrow results and he thought he would get them later that day, but he suspected it would be in my marrow. Came away with mixed feeling, yet more drugs and wondering what the implications were if it was in my bone marrow.

The day ended better though, finally got my new camera out to play with it, its awesome and my Dr rang while I was asleep to say my bone marrow was clear, yippee one bit of good news!

Spent the rest of the week playing with my camera, and had a photography lesson, doing the family tree and shopping (even out shopped Leanne, a sign of more energy)!

Monday I had made an appointment to have my hair cut short at the hairdressers, I thought it was the best thing to do as I know I couldn't bare pulling long strands out...Can't say I like it but people have said it suits me...We will see it probably wont last long.

So that was the two weeks between first chemotherapy and the second, hopefully we will be able to get the sickness undercontrol so I don't feel sick pretty much the whole time!

First Step to Getting Better

2009-02-10T18:48:00.006Z

Tuesday was the day of my first chemotherapy session. Didn't sleep well and felt sick on the way over to the hospital, nerves I guess. Arrived at the hospital in good time, the receptionist showed us around the ward, there are 3 rooms and 4 bay areas, it is nice because it is so small and not overwhelming. I was lucky enough to be in one of the rooms, with its own plasma TV!

Had a consultation with my Dr going through my lymphoma, chemotherapy and its side effects. I was diagnosed with aggressive Hodgkin's lymphoma IVB - IV meaning the lymphoma has spread through the lymphatic system and is now present in organs and / or bone marrow outside of the lymphatic system and B meaning I am experiencing additional symptoms to a swollen lymph node, such as weight loss, fever or night sweats. Mine is 'quirky' in that it has manifested itself in the abdomen and liver, but the DNA is most definitely that of Hodgkin's. The plan of action is for me to receive 2 cycles of ABVD which is actually 4 treatments (because for some reason, 1 cycle of ABVD = 2 treatments of chemotherapy) and then have a PET scan to see how my lymphoma is responding. If it is responding well I will continue with ABVD if not he has the option to chance my chemotherapy to a German regime called BEACOPP which is more aggressive and the chances of infertility are greater.

My consultant also went through the side effects of ABVD -

Lowered resistance to infection - ABVD can reduce the production of white blood cells by the bone marrow, making you more prone to infection. This effect can begin seven days after treatment has been given, with your resistance to infection usually reaching its lowest point 10–14 days after chemotherapy. Which is why in this period I have to be careful to avoid people with colds and crowed places with recycled air, like the cinema.
Bruising or bleeding - ABVD can reduce the production of platelets (which help the blood to clot).
Anaemia (low number of red blood cells).
Feeling sick (nausea) and being sick (vomiting) - anti sickness tablets can reduce this.
Tiredness - many people feel extremely tired (fatigued) during chemotherapy, particularly towards the end of treatment. This is a very common side effect and it's important to try to get as much rest as you need.
Hair loss - this usually starts 3–4 weeks after the first cycle of treatment. Hair is usually lost completely.
Sore mouth and ulcers - your mouth may become sore or dry, or you may notice small ulcers during treatment. Drinking plenty of fluids and cleaning your teeth regularly and gently with a soft toothbrush can help to reduce the risk of this happening.
Taste changes - you may notice that your food tastes different.
Numbness or tingling in hands or feet - this is due to the effect of vinblastine on nerves and is known as peripheral neuropathy.
Pain at the injection site or along the vein - this can happen while dacarbazine is being given.
Allergic reaction - some people can have an allergic reaction to dacarbazine or bleomycin.
Fevers and chills - this may happen several hours after bleomycin is given, but does not usually last long.
Skin changes - rarely, your skin may darken. If it does, it usually goes back to normal a few months after treatment has finished. Bleomycin can cause a rash that may be itchy and your doctor can prescribe medicine to help with this.
During treatment, and for several months afterwards, you will be more sensitive to the sun and your skin may burn more easily.
Changes in nails - your nails may become darker and white lines may appear on them. These changes usually grow out over a few months once the treatment has finished.
Changes in the way your heart works - this is very rare with usual doses of doxorubicin, but may occasionally happen when high doses are used.
Changes to the lungs Bleomycin can cause serious lung problems. This can happen during treatment or after it has finished. This is more likely to happen if you smoke.

Once we had gone through that little lot the Dr explained that he wanted to do a bone marrow biopsy - at the mention of that Dad made a swift exit. Oh no I thought, this was the one procedure I thought I had avoided as last time my consultant had said he didn't want to do one and now he wanted to do one there and then!!! To be fair it wasn't as bad as I had imagined as he completely numbed the area and the discomfort didn't last more than 5 seconds, I know because he made me count!

Will that out the way I was given my pre-chemotherapy drugs, steroids and anti sickness tablets and left to eat my lunch. After lunch chemotherapy started. There are 4 drugs in ABVD (doxorubicin originally adriamycin, bleomycin, vinblastine and dacarbazine ). First the nurse put in a cannula and to that attached a saline drip. Then into the same cannula she injected 2 of the drugs via slow injection, which all in all took about 45 minutes, completely painless and she sat and chatted while she administered it. She was a lovely lady and made me feel as at ease as possible. The last 2 drugs were given in a drip form, one over 15 minutes and the last over 2 hours. The last drug was a little uncomfortable going through my veins, this was eased with a heat pack over my arm.

Towards the end of the 2 hours I started to get the shakes and feel cold. The nurses thought it was a reaction to bleomycin, my temperature was also up, so I was prescribed more steroids which she said would have me climbing the walls later!

After the chemo had finished I was attached back up to a saline drip, which I was to be on all night. They call the first treatment the hit hard treatment, where they hope that the tumours start to break down and therefore toxins are removed, because of my enlarged liver they weren’t sure how my liver was going to react so they wanted to keep me in overnight to flush my system through with fluid and check the function of my liver and kidneys.

At around 5pm I was taken down to the ward in a wheelchair, I have to say I didn’t protest. I was taken down to my room. It was all very nice to be in my own room but it was in the old part of the hospital and it throw me a bit, that I would be staying here on my own tonight, you felt a bit alone, not like on the ward where stuff is constantly going on and the nurses can see you all the time, I felt a bit vulnerable.

No sooner had I settled in I was given yet more drugs and then dinner arrived. I don’t know whether it was the stress of the day or the steroids but I had a good go at all 3 courses! Didn't get much sleep partly because of the steroids and partly because of the machine the drip was in, making noises and I was up and down to the toilet because I was having so much fluid, bearing in mind it is no easy task when attached to a drip and you have to wheel your machine in with you! Was discharged the next morning.

ABVD Cycle 1, Day 1 - DONE!

Waiting for Chemo to Begin

2009-02-07T18:14:00.004Z

The consultant had said that whatever type of lymphoma it was found I had, chemotherapy would start next week.

The days in between the first consultation and first chemotherapy session have been spent gathering as much information as possible and trying to read as much as possible in order to get my head around it all. The lymphoma association are a really good source of information.

The other battle going on is trying to keep my temperature under control, every night without fail I suffer high temperatures, ironic as it is one of the coldest February's outside and snow is on the ground. The temperatures seem to hit around dinner time and as a result I have no appetite and usually pass on dinner. Cold flannels, cold baths, ice creams nothing seemed to work! What with the temperatures and itchy skin I am finding it difficult to sleep at night and that is meaning I am sleeping more in the day.

Since my meeting with the consultant I have started having Clexane injections everyday to thin my blood because there is a risk the tumours can cause blood clots, which they obviously want to avoid. My consultant thought I could do them myself but I opted for a district nurse to come and give them to me. When the GP surgery is open I will go down there to have them everyday and on the weekends a district nurse will come to give them to me. There is a variety of techniques in giving them, I thought Mel described it well in her book, there is the dart player or the dancer (the nurse either stabs it in or punctures the skin slowly) and the firm squeeze or the gentle squeeze of the skin. They are unpleasant as they have to be given them in your stomach and the Clexane stings.

My consultant rang on Friday evening to say that the pathologist had got back to him and my Lymphoma was Hodgkin's which is what we wanted, he said I would start ABVD chemotherapy on Tuesday. Sally and Verity came to visit at the weekend which took my mind of worrying so much. Next week is the start of me getting better.

Unanswered Questions and More Waiting

2009-02-04T19:03:00.013Z

Wednesday was the day I was to meet my consultant. Had the last appointment of the day so the morning was spent trying to keep busy. All too soon it was 3pm and we were leaving for the hospital. Had my bloods taken before I met my consultant, obviously by an amateur because my arm went blue he was taking so long!

After another bit of waiting I met my consultant. It was explained that I did have lymphoma which is a type of cancer that originates in lymphocytes of the immune system. Lymphoma is cancer of the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system is made up of a series of vessels and glands, known as lymph nodes. These are spread throughout your body, much like your blood vessels. The lymphatic system is part of your immune system. It carries lymph around your body. Lymph is a fluid full of infection-fighting white blood cells known as lymphocytes.

When a person has lymphoma, some of their lymphocytes are 'out of control'. They divide in an abnormal way, or do not die off when they should. These abnormal lymphocytes can collect in the lymph nodes, which then enlarge as the lymphocytes form tumours. Lymphoma can also affect other organs in the body such as the liver, as in my case. The affected lymphocytes begin to lose their infection-fighting properties, making you more vulnerable to infection. The causes of lymphoma are still unknown.

There are two main types of lymphoma:
i) Hodgkin lymphoma - if the Reed-Sternberg cell is seen under the microscope. Hodgkin lymphoma can occur at any age, although most people diagnosed are between the ages of 15 and 35 or 55 and over. Around 1500 people are diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma each year in the UK. Hodgkin lymphoma affects more men than women. Hodgkin lymphoma is now very successfully treated, and the majority of people with it will be completely cured.
ii) Non Hodgkin lymphoma - any lymphoma that is not Hodgkin lymphoma. Around 9500 cases of non-Hodgkin lymphoma are diagnosed each year in the UK. It is more common in those aged over 55, and is one of the most common cancers in those aged 75 and over. There are many different types of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Some types grow very slowly and others grow very quickly.

The pathologist had been unable to identify my type of lymphoma, but he had narrowed it down to two types, one being Hodgkin's and one being non Hodgkin's. Alarm bells then started ringing because I had read that non Hodgkin's lymphoma is less curable. My consultant explained that depending on what type of lymphoma I had, would determine the type of chemotherapy I had.

My consultant explained that whatever type of cancer I have it was fast growing and aggressive due to the masses evident on my scans, which I was allowed to look at. At the bottom of my scans it said suspected grade IV lymphoma, there it was in black and white, grade IV is as high as it goes. He didn't think I had had the cancer all that long, probably dating back to the end of my travelling trip, October/November time. We discussed the severity of the situation, the fact of it being cancer, and with that there are no guarantees but he did say that usually with these fast growing aggressive types they respond well to chemotherapy. Discussed the option of freezing my eggs, but he said that we didn't really have time, he said it was a gamble but if the lymphoma turned out to be Hodgkin's the type of chemo I would be having had a good rate of fertility with it. We also discussed the option of going privately and the next steps.

Had an examination and the doctor noted my extended abdomen which he suspected was because of the liver being full of lymphoma. He looked at my sores and scars on my feet from my itchy skin, which is a symptom of lymphoma and one he said would soon diminish with chemotherapy. Also went through my other symptoms - the night sweats, at around evening time everyday I would become uncomfortable hot and my temperature would rise to very high levels, back pain - which I was know taking pain killers for, me said he would leave me on them for now but want to take me off them, he suspected the back pain was due to my extended liver pressing on nerves, tiredness - another 'normal' symptom of lymphoma.

Came away feeling disappointed that I still didn't know what type of lymphoma I had and would have to wait for these results before I could get my head around what chemo I would be having and with that we still had lots of unanswered questions because many of them related to chemotherapy and the answers are chemo specific. Draining day, physically and emotionally.

Realisation as Lymphoma becomes Reality.

2009-01-30T12:03:00.002Z

Wednesday, had a phone call from the hospital regarding the results of the multidisciplinary hearing, the nurse on the phone said it was lymphoma and that I was being referred to the relevant department and I would be contacted shortly. I knew it was coming, but somehow then it became reality and I had to deal with it. Was very upset after the phone call but managed to pull myself together for the evening because I went to see Chelsea vs. Middlesborough. I think Chelsea won so that was OK.

Thursday I heard from the specialist lymphoma nurse at the hospital and she said they wanted me in for a biopsy the next day. Although they knew that it was lymphoma, they needed to determine what type it was to tailor the treatment.

The next day came around all to quickly and I was back at the hospital, this time to have a biopsy, definitely the most scary procedure to date! 'A biopsy is a medical test involving the removal of cells or tissues for examination. It is the removal of tissue from a living subject to determine the presence or extent of a disease. The tissue is generally examined under a microscope by a pathologist, and can also be analyzed chemically'.

The biopsy was taken from the lump in my thigh. The doctor had already looked at my CT scans and decided on the area he was going to biopsy. He said he wasn't sure if the lump was a lymph node or not because it was in a slightly unusual place, but we decided to biopsy anyway and if it wasn't we would deal with that bridge if it came to it. He used an ultrasound to exactly pinpoint the area, then made my leg pink with anesthetic and antiseptic stuff and then he got the needle out! Mum had been watching up until that point! She said the needle was pretty big, I am glad I didn't see it. The biopsy was taken with a core needle and basically he made a small incision in my leg, inserted the needle and then it 'clicks', which is when the biopsy was taken. Had to do three of those! It wasn't painful but uncomfortable. The doctor who did it was very good and talked me through the whole thing. Afterwards I had to wait in the waiting room again for a short period of time to make sure the wound stopped bleeding. As the anesthetic wore off it became very painful.

After my biopsy we had to go up to the haematology day unit to get some medication for me to take in preparation for chemotherapy. Was a bit unprepared to walk into a room with people all sitting around having chemotherapy, it was a real shock. Managed to collar one of the nurses and have a chat about what has been happening and is going to happen as all this has been going on and I haven't even seen a consultant yet, the feeling of being kept in the dark comes to mind. She was very nice and once she realised we hadn't seen anyone yet, as such, she sat down and answered our questions. She said all these scans and tests were needed to diagnose the type of lymphoma and she appreciated that normally you would see a consultant first but she guessed I was kind of being fast tracked. Came away feeling more knowledgeable and less scared.

In the evening I popped out to see my friends down the pub and basically told them all what has been going on, one of the hardest things I have had to do. A very draining day all around.

Saturday I popped out to take some photos of another church!

CT Scan

2009-01-27T11:09:00.006Z

Tuesday was the day of my CT scan at hospital, the appointment came through really quickly.

CT scan (or CAT scan) stands for Computerised (Axial) Tomography scan! It takes a series of X-rays and uses a computer to put them together. The CT machine takes pictures of your body from different angles and the result is a series of images, showing 'slices' through the body. The scanner (see right), is a donut shaped machine, with a moving bed that slices in and out of the scanner.

Wasn't allowed to eat anything after midnight on Monday and was only able to drink water before the scan. I had to wait and hour and a half before my scan in the waiting room. During which time I had a horrible tasting drink to drink, they try to disguise the taste with squash but it doesn't work! It is the 'contrast medium' which is a dye that shows up body tissues more clearly on the scan.

Before the scan you have to wear the attractive hospital gown! And then lie on the bed which is fully extended from the scanner. They put in a catheter so that they could administer more of the dye whilst I was in the scanner. I had to lie with my arms above my head. First they do something called setting the scene, basically setting up for the scan, they look on the TV screens in another room and get you in the right position by moving you in and out the scanner and telling you when to breathe normally or hold your breathe. Once they were happy with the position, the nurse came out to give me the dye, she did worn me of the side effects and they were weird. First you taste metallic in your mouth, then you have a hot flush and then it feels like your weeing yourself, you don't I might add but it is all very strange! And while all that is going on they are telling you when to hold your breath and breathe normally! The scan all in all takes about half an hour.

Then the waiting begins.

Ultrasound then Results.

2009-01-24T10:25:00.006Z

After becoming very upset that I couldn't stand without being in pain for more than 10 minutes while observing Pilate's, Tuesday was the day of my liver ultrasound.

Wasn't allowed to eat anything before the scan but luckily it was an early appointment. Arrived promptly and was seen almost immediately. Had to change into the attractive hospital gown and then went into a side room which had the ultrasound equipment in it. A doctor performed the procedure, little complication at the beginning as the equipment wasn't set up probably which didn't please him! The squeezy get they use was warm!!! The examination took about 20 minutes, the doctor didn't say anything throughout, at the end he simply said that 'yes, the liver is most definitely enlarged and there are a number of lymph glands present in the stomach', he said there are a number of reason for this and that I would need further investigation, possibly involving a CT scan and a liver biopsy - scary! He would make sure his report was with the GP for my scheduled appointment on Thursday.

I came away with the conclusion that I still had a virus, because my liver was enlarged. Looking back now, the doctor must have suspected lymphoma then.

Wednesday morning, Mum and I went to photography our local church (didn't have my camera at this point so used Mum's) - Mum’s idea, an attempt to get me out and about. It was cold and sunny, we spent about an hour in the graveyard and I took over 100 photos!

Had an appointment with the Osteopath in the afternoon. Decided to stop treatment pending results of scan and on Dr Hoffman’s advice as remaining pain clearly wasn’t mechanical.

Saw GP on Thursday morning. He went through the results of ultrasound and explained they weren’t good, it showed an enlarged liver as suspected and glands in my abdomen. Although the last lot of bloods showed improvements the results of the ones taken on Monday were worse again. Knew in my heart they would be because I hadn’t been feeling right at all, needing to sleep for 2 hours every afternoon isn't normal.

Next steps - GP had already referred me to the Hepatology department at hospital, he said they are the best around to investigate what is going on and they will find out what it was. Asked what he suspected it was and GP said he suspected it was lymphoma, I didn’t have a clue what this was but he described it as being like leukaemia, which didn’t sound too good. The way my GP was being so sincere, I knew it was serious. Had to wait for the hospital to contact us which would be within 14days.

Looked up lymphoma on the internet and two words stood out cancer and chemotherapy.